My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
