using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
