Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
