It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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