I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
