my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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