i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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