if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
