We got so high we made milksteak
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
