I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You smell like stripper and shame
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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