Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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