She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
