We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
