If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
