i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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