wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
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