while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
