After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
