but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
