just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
