I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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