did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize