I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
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Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
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If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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