Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
