i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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