my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
