Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
