It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
