HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
