he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
