Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
