ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
