No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
