it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hippo gnu deer
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
