We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
