I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
