I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
