You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
