yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
