I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
