You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
