When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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