well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
