so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
