Cold hands, warm shart.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
