I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
