I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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