How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
