People in love make me want to vomit
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
