she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
