probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
