just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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