This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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