You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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