spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
