matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Sext me about skeletons
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
