Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
