if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
