well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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