I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
