You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
