She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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