fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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