Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
