I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
