I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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