Plan B is the new Plan A
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
