The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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