so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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