I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
