At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
