They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just want nice things and good sex
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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