so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
