You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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