I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
