Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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