I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
