I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just cropdusted the office
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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