I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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